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ADHD and perfectionism may seem like total opposites. However, for a lot of people with ADHD, they actually go hand in hand. But how? ADHD is usually associated with things like distractibility, impulsivity, and a bit of chaos, while perfectionism is all about wanting things to be flawless and in control.But when these two traits coexist, they can lead to a cycle of overthinking and feeling stuck – leaving you spinning your wheels, unsure how to get off the hamster wheel.
Let’s dive into why ADHD and perfectionism so often show up together, how they feed into overthinking, and, most importantly, how to break the cycle. If you’re someone who finds yourself constantly stuck between wanting things to be perfect and struggling to get started (or finish).
How ADHD and Perfectionism Get Tangled Up Together
Perfectionism is usually linked with people who are hyper-organised and meticulous, so how does it end up being so common for people with ADHD? The reality is, ADHD can create a lot of unpredictability in life. Mistakes happen, deadlines get missed, and it can sometimes feel like you’re always playing catch-up. For people with ADHD, perfectionism can sometimes feel like a way to “make up” for the chaos. But setting these super high standards can turn into a vicious cycle of self-criticism, worry, and frustration.
Why Perfectionism Becomes a Coping Mechanism
ADHD impacts things like planning, staying organized, and focusing—executive functions that are essential for getting things done smoothly. When these functions are a struggle, some people with ADHD turn to perfectionism as a way to feel more in control. Here’s how it works:
Fear of Failure
With ADHD, it’s common to relive past mistakes and feel a strong fear of repeating them, leading to a deep-seated fear of failure.
Imposter Syndrome
Because of the daily challenges ADHD presents, people with ADHD often feel like they’re not measuring up to those around them. Perfectionism becomes a way to compensate for feeling “behind.”
Overcompensating
Perfectionism serves as a shield. By aiming for flawless results, people with ADHD try to “cover up” the things they see as their shortcomings.
Perfectionism Feeds Overthinking
When you mix ADHD and perfectionism, it often results in a heavy dose of overthinking. It’s a cycle where your mind keeps replaying scenarios, wondering if you should’ve done it differently or if there was a better way. Have you ever experienced this habit with ADHD? You think, rethink, then think some more, until you’re stuck in a loop of “what ifs” and “should haves.” This is actually a mental trap called “analysis paralysis” and it’s one of the main reasons ADHD and perfectionism make for such a challenging combination.
The Cycle of Overthinking: How ADHD and Perfectionism Keep You Stuck
There’s a common cycle that so many ADHD perfectionists experience, which can feel almost impossible to escape.
1. Setting the Goal: You set a big, ambitious goal for yourself, often with super-high standards.
2. Starting the Task: As you begin, ADHD symptoms like distraction or impulsive thinking may pop up, causing setbacks.
3. Criticising Yourself: As soon as things start to go a little off track, you start overthinking and wondering what went wrong, worrying about the outcome, and doubting your abilities.
4. Avoiding the Task: All that overthinking turns into emotional overwhelm, and suddenly you’re avoiding the task or giving up on it.
5. Feeling Regretful: When you avoid or don’t reach those sky-high standards, you feel disappointed and beat yourself up. This creates a cycle of setting even bigger goals and feeling more pressure next time.
Awareness is Key
Breaking out of this loop starts with awareness. If you can recognise how your ADHD is fuelling perfectionism, you’ll start to see where you can take control. From there, it’s easier to start making changes.
How ADHD and Perfectionism Impact Mental Health
Living with ADHD and perfectionism can be exhausting, and the toll on mental health can be significant. It’s not just about being tired; the emotional impact can be intense:
Chronic Anxiety
Always worrying about doing things perfectly or messing up can lead to constant anxiety.
Self-Doubt Increases
Perfectionism puts you in a place where your self-worth hinges on success, and ADHD makes success harder to achieve consistently.
Emotional Ups and Downs
ADHD already makes it hard to regulate emotions, so the added pressure of perfectionism can make things feel even more intense.
Breaking out of this cycle isn’t just about getting more done – it’s also about preserving your mental health and giving yourself a break.
Tips to Break the Cycle of Overthinking
It can be incredibly hard to stop the cycle of overthinking, but the good news is there’s steps you can take to stop feeling like you need to be “perfect”.
Set “Good Enough” Goals
If you have perfectionist tendencies, settling for “good enough” can be tough. But lowering your standards just a little can create a dramatic change. Start by setting goals that are achievable without needing to be flawless. The next time you’re stuck in overthinking, ask yourself, “Will ‘good enough’ still get the job done?”
Practice Self-Compassion
The biggest critic most perfectionists face is the one in their own head. Try to cut yourself some slack. When you make a mistake, remind yourself that it’s completely normal. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time! Self-compassion makes it much easier to bounce back from setbacks without spiralling into overthinking.
Challenge Your Inner Critic
The inner critic is often loudest in perfectionists. Notice when those critical thoughts pop up, and practice challenging them. Replace negative self-talk with reminders of your strengths and past successes.
Turn Mistakes into Opportunities
Instead of viewing mistakes as failures, try to see them as stepping stones. Mistakes don’t mean you’ve failed – they only mean that you’re trying, learning, and improving. Having this mindset shift makes it easier to move past perfectionism.
Try Mindfulness to Break the Overthinking Loop
Mindfulness helps you bring attention to the present moment instead of spiralling into what-ifs. Try grounding exercises like mindful breathing when you’re stuck in overthinking. By focusing on the now, you’ll spend less time worrying about “perfect” outcomes.
Break Down Large Tasks
Large tasks can feel intimidating, which often triggers perfectionism and avoidance. If you can break them into smaller steps, you’ll make the work feel less overwhelming and more achievable, reducing the urge to overthink.
Building Resilience: Managing ADHD Perfectionism
Breaking the ADHD-perfectionism cycle isn’t about giving up on high standards; it’s about building the resilience to keep moving forward, even when things aren’t perfect. Here’s how:
– Set Small, Achievable Goals: Start with goals you can realistically achieve. Let small wins build your confidence.
– Celebrate Progress: Don’t wait for big milestones. Celebrate each step forward, no matter how big or small! Acknowledge your effort and growth.
– Welcome Setbacks: Treat setbacks as part of the journey, not signs of failure. Building resilience means bouncing back without letting one mistake throw you off course.
Support Makes A Difference
Working through perfectionism and overthinking on your own can feel overwhelming. Lean on friends, family, or a support group – that’s exactly why we developed the SureSpace app. We have a community of ADHD people who can remind you that perfection isn’t necessary or realistic. Sometimes, a fresh perspective from someone who understands can be exactly what you need to break the cycle.
Redefine Success on Your Own Terms
Living with ADHD and perfectionism doesn’t mean you’re stuck in a cycle of overthinking forever. If you recognise what fuels these habits and work on managing them, you can break free from the pressure to be perfect.
Remember that SureSpace is here to help you on your journey to managing the struggles of ADHD. Our ADHD community is filled with like-minded individuals with struggles just like yours.
