Talking to people is a skill you practice, not a trait you are born with. The more you do it, the better you get. Communication experts and thousands of readers agree that small changes to how you approach others make conversations feel more natural and even enjoyable. Start with the environment around you, ask questions, listen with genuine interest, and use open body language.
How to start a conversation
Comment on something around you to start a conversation. Social events host Amiccio recommends this over saying something clever: at a concert or sports game, comment on the music or the game; at a museum or bar, comment on the art or the drinks. Another easy move is to compliment something semi-obvious like shoes, a backpack, or a car. In a coffee shop line, ask the person ahead, "What's good here? I've never tried any of their specialty drinks."
Amiccio names 3 top tips for talking to anyone:
- Offer a simple greeting or question rather than something clever
- Ask open-ended questions that require a detailed answer
- Practice positive body language when you speak to others
Choose the right person to approach
Look for someone who is not otherwise occupied and has a friendly expression. Someone who makes eye contact with you signals openness — offer a smile and an opening question. Avoid starting with a person who is already talking to someone else or actively engaged in a task. At a party, the food table or bar provides natural openers like "Have you tried the spinach dip?" A person reading, wearing headphones, or avoiding eye contact prefers silence.
Keep it simple
A great opening line is not required to start talking to someone. "Hi" or "How are you?" works, and the other person often takes it from there. Keeping it simple starts the conversation while letting the other person help carry it, and it removes the pressure to sound clever. As one common piece of advice puts it plainly: "Don't overthink it. They are just like you. Just talk about the matter at hand."
Keeping a conversation going
Ask open-ended questions to keep the chat flowing. Licensed clinical psychologist Donna Novak, Psy.D, notes that "people tend to really get engaged with questions." Ask questions that need more than a yes or no. Instead of "How was your trip to Phoenix?" try "What sorts of things did you do on your vacation?" to invite elaboration. When someone mentions golf, follow up: "What's your handicap? Can you recommend any good courses?"
Once someone is talking, ask follow-up questions about what they said. A reliable approach is to ask about hobbies to find topics they care about, then share a related thought or example so they get to know you as well. People like to talk about themselves, so hobbies — sports, video games, movies, pets, books, art — get them talking. The key is to care enough to listen and ask a follow-up.
Celestine Chua lists 5 easy ways to make small talk with anyone:
- Ask questions
- Give a compliment
- Talk about a surrounding object
- Ask for advice
- Share something about yourself
Shift topics to add variety and involve other people to take pressure off yourself. The more people in a conversation, the less weight sits on you, and the more you find to talk about. Draw in someone standing alone nearby with a simple "Have you had a chance to try this yet?" Avoid conversation killers: skip politics and religion in a diverse group, and keep the tone upbeat, since people are drawn to positive people.
Listening is half the conversation
Listening matters as much as talking. Active listening means staying present and paying attention to the other person's words and tone. Mindset and action coach Kirsten Parker, MFA, says "the key to effective listening is presence." Outgoing people are all "present in the moment, listening to what others say" — once you are present, you notice things to say and questions to ask, and it shows in your body language.
Be interested, not interesting. Harvard Business Review frames it directly: "A lot of us go into these situations thinking that we need to be really fascinating, engaging, and interesting, when, in fact, we just need to be present and be interested in the conversation that's happening." Offer neutral cues like "That's interesting" or "Tell me more," and use echoing — repeating back a detail — to show you are following.
The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.
Getting past the fear of talking
Internal chatter is the barrier for many quiet people, not a lack of ability. Planning your speech in your head while someone talks means you stop listening — you cannot follow two conversations at once, and by the time you have perfected your line, the conversation has moved on. Quieting that inner voice frees you to focus on the real exchange. One physical tip: push your tongue to the roof of your mouth while listening to settle the mind.
Perfection is not required in everyday conversation. No one expects you to say everything right, and saying something a little daft that makes people laugh warms them to you more than saying nothing. You do not have to be witty or clever — genuine interest in others carries a conversation. When you are put on the spot, buy time with "Hmm, let me think about that," and breathe slowly to stay calm.
Be genuine rather than forcing a conversation. Talk about something you actually care about; feigned interest usually shows. As communication coach Cristina Morara puts it, good conversations are dialogues with questions and anecdotes, not monologues.
Positive body language
Body language carries as much weight as your words. There are 4 signals that project calm confidence:
- Smile when engaging with someone — it makes you approachable and signals support
- Make eye contact to show you are engaged, and to read the other person's reactions, without staring
- Nod your head to show you understand and agree, without becoming a bobble-head
- Build confidence by preparing a few topics ahead of time so nerves do not read as off-putting
Executive communication expert Brenden Kumarasamy notes that nervous body language reads as off-putting, so preparation steadies you. Practice by challenging yourself to talk to one new person each day.
Why talking to strangers is worth it
People underestimate how good talking to strangers feels. A University of Virginia study finds that "people tend to underestimate how much they'll enjoy the conversation, feel connected to their conversation partner and be liked by their conversation partner." The fear of rejection, humiliation, or overstepping is real, but our worst fears rarely come true.
Lower the stakes to make it easier. You are only saying "It's cold today, isn't it?" — not asking someone to join a quest. University of Sussex psychologist Gillian Sandstrom calls these openers "small, humanising acts," and the "small" part matters: the fear in your mind is far bigger than the reality. Stanford psychologist Jamil Zaki's team found that what people most need is permission — the reminder to "take a chance."
This basic human skill is fading as headphones, phones, remote work, and self-checkout screens remove everyday interactions. Psychologist Esther Perel calls the trend a "global relational recession" and writes: "The point is not depth. The point is practice, the gentle strengthening of our social muscles." Small talk is a small, free reminder of shared humanity.
Turning conversation skills into real friendships in Dubai
Learning to start conversations, ask open-ended questions, and listen with genuine interest matters most when you are new to a city and building a social circle from scratch. For English-speaking expats in Dubai, these small acts of connection are how strangers at a meet-up, a class, or a group become the people you call friends.
SureSpace is a Dubai-anchored community app that helps expats and newcomers find authentic friendships through interest-based groups and in-person meet-ups across the city. It gives your new conversation skills real places to land — rooms full of people who are also there to connect.